


learning how to breathe again

by fairyy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, M/M, October 19, Skype
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-23 23:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21089327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyy/pseuds/fairyy
Summary: Phil doesn’t quite know what to do with the boy that’s been placed in his path. Dan, and the feelings he brings, are admittedly kind of a lot, and Phil is still learning how to navigate how much someone else can make him feel.october 19, 2009.





	learning how to breathe again

**Author's Note:**

> happy 10/19
> 
> written for the phandom fic fest bingo. prompts: online romance and mentor. that one’s a stretch. i’m trying.

Phil doesn’t quite know what to do with the boy that’s been placed in his path. Dan, and the feelings he brings, are admittedly kind of a lot, and Phil is still learning how to navigate how _ much _ someone else can make him feel. 

It’s been all of forty-five minutes since Dan stepped off the train, and Phil wonders why he hasn’t kissed him yet. 

\- 

First, there had been tweets with less than threes, then nervous, giggly Skype calls that gave way to spilling secrets and pouring out hearts.

There hasn’t been anyone like this for Phil. He’s learning that he doesn’t want to be without it ever again. 

Phil’s never really known what it’s like to be _ wanted _. He’s had his fair share of girls who didn’t fit and boys who didn’t stick around. 

But there’s a boy on the other side of a computer screen, with a bit of questionable internet connection, and Phil might be starting to get it. 

Dan had tried to get his attention, and well. Phil couldn’t pass it up. 

\- 

Dan says he wants to try youtube, maybe. 

“You should. You’d be brilliant at it.

Dan makes a face. “I doubt it.”

“Why won’t you ever listen to me?” Phil says. He’s not upset it just… hurts a bit to hear Dan say things like that about himself. 

“Mate. I literally always listen to you. You’re the only person I ever want to listen to.”

It sounds soft. Phil’s heart flutters. 

“Then make a video. It won’t hurt, will it?”

Dan groans and hides his face in his hands. “I’ll just embarrass myself.”

“No you won’t, seriously. Please Dan?” Phil pouts a little. 

“Oh fuck off, don’t give me that face.” 

Phil laughs. 

“So it worked, then?”

“Fine, I’ll try it. Are you happy?” 

“Yeah. But… you always make me happy.”

“Fuck. That’s sweet. I’m not equipped to handle this.”

“Well get used to it, Howell.”

-

Dan seems to look up to Phil, a bit. 

That’s almost strange. Phil has gotten to know loads of people, in varying capacity, through this youtube thing, but none have been quite so insistent as Dan. Phil doesn’t think he deserves being looked up to. 

But it is nice to feel wanted. Phil likes being there for Dan, likes conversing late into the night about all of the things they love and all of the things they hate. 

-

Phil talks to Dan more than he’s talked to anyone… maybe ever. It’s a nice feeling, to wake up to a good morning text, to have someone he can call to talk about his day with. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks. Dan’s got a bit of a frown on his face. Phil wants to reach his fingers through the screen to smooth it out. 

“Nothing, really. I’ve just had a shit day.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Dan shakes his head. “Can I just listen to you talk? About something, or anything, really. I like hearing your voice.” 

“Alright,” he says, before describing the woman he saw on the train. 

He makes Dan laugh. He’ll count that as a win, for now. 

“Are you sure you’re not making this up?” 

“I’m not, I swear! I always meet the strangest people. I must attract them or something.”

“I’m not that strange, am I?”

“If you’re strange, then I am too. But you’re… incredible.”

\- 

“You got the tickets?” 

Dan laughs. “I already told you I did.”

“I know, I’m just... excited.” Excited might be a bit of an understatement for Phil, but he doesn’t quite know how to say that. 

“Me too, but I’m kind of nervous as fuck, mate.”

Phil nods. As much as he wants this (and he really, really wants this), he’s so, so nervous. 

-

Phil walks to the train station with his thumbs twisted in the belt loops of his jeans, a nervous habit. 

This is it. It’s too late to turn back now, not that he wants to. He’s fully invested in this now, whatever _ this _ is.

He just hopes Dan hasn’t changed his mind. 

-

Dan hasn’t.

-

Dan’s got big brown eyes that look at Phil like he holds the key to the universe when he doesn’t think Phil is looking. Phil holds no such key- he never has, and he never will. He feels younger than he is, in this particular moment. 

Dan hasn’t quite grown into his frame yet, stands just the slightest bit shorter than Phil. He wraps his arms around Phil’s neck as they hold on for several long moments at the train station. 

Phil takes three deep breaths to remind himself that he deserves this. 

-

Phil has a hard time convincing himself that he’s enough, especially as of late. He got a degree, then another one. But he has no job lined up, and the world feels bigger than it did before. 

Dan’s always seemed too good to be true. But Dan, here now, and _ real _, is something else entirely. He has dimples on both of his cheeks when he smiles and is so, so pretty. He makes time for Phil, he wants to talk to him. It’s so nice to be wanted. 

But here Dan is, warm and solid and wonderful and… he’s _ real _. On the exhale, Phil gives in.

-

They trade lazy smiles behind matching cups of caramel macchiatos and settle into it. Laughter flows back and forth, and Phil is startled by how easy it is. He was afraid it would feel different when they didn’t have computer screens to hide behind. He likes that it’s still so good. 

Phil feels like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the worst. He’s waiting for something to take away what he thinks is becoming the best thing he’s ever had. 

He holds his breath again. 

-

There’s a wheel. Dan wants to go on it.

“Can we?” he asks, eyes lit up.

Phil doesn’t say it yet, but he thinks he would do anything Dan wanted - to keep that sparkle in his eyes forever. 

-

Their knees bump together when they get in. Phil thinks Dan might scoot over, but Dan stays fully where he is. Phil looks up and Dan is staring at him.

Phil swallows. He feels his heart just about flip over as he stares right back. There’s never been a person who made him _ feel _ so much before - 

Before now. Because Dan is leaning in and Phil forgets all of his doubt that this might be all in his head, and melts into Dan’s lips on his. 

-

Dan pulls back with a shy little smirk on his face. Phil tries to learn how to breathe again. 

He has this now, and he thinks he might be able to keep it. 

-

**Author's Note:**

> yes i used /real/ twice in a row. i don’t know how i feel about it either. 
> 
> reblog on [tumblr](https://fairylocal.tumblr.com/post/188442365144/learning-how-to-breathe-again-ao3-t)


End file.
